I’m Paleo – Not the Diet, the Aesthetic

Things you should know before coming over.

I’m so glad we ran into each other at that rock climbing class. It’s been too long!

Before you come over for dinner this weekend, I just want to let you know that I’m Paleo – not the diet, the aesthetic.

Maybe you noticed the loincloth?

I know, I know! Neolithic is much more popular. Yet, I can’t help it. Of all the eras, the Paleolithic is my favorite!

So I do what I can to keep the time (2,500,000 BCE to 10,000 BCE) alive! To me, it’s so much more than ancient history.

This lifestyle tends to surprise people, so I wanted to give you a heads-up about what to expect.

First, when you arrive at my property located at 41.1105° N and 75.3780° W, you may be confused by the lack of “house” on the property. Don’t worry, if you’ve used a compass and a map, or celestial navigation, you’re at the right place!

Look for a large rocky mound toward the back of the woods.

Simply cut a path through the woods, and when you get to the huge rock jutting from the earth, just come around back!

I call it my house, because it’s my home, but it’s essentially a studio apartment in a naturally occurring cave of sandstone.

There are no windows, per se, but one side is completely open, offering lovely views of the sunrise across the valley each morning. I’ll tell you, it’s like nature’s alarm clock!

It can be breezy at night, but don’t worry, I always have a big fire going. It’ll keep you warm – and keep away the bears!

Since another name for the Paleolithic era is the Old Stone Age, you perhaps won’t be surprised that stones feature heavily in my decor, particularly for tables and seating. I’ve found that stone is easier to maintain than upholstery because you don’t have to worry about tearing or staining! Plus, owning so many heavy stones has strengthened my back muscles. It’s hard work moving 70-pound stones around so you can vacuum.

Just kidding, there’s no electricity in Paleo-core!

As I mentioned, what I do have is FIRE, and I think everyone can agree that’s all you really need for heating, lighting, cooking, and, as I mentioned, keeping away bears.

Honestly, I prefer cooking over an open flame to the natural gas stove I had in my previous place.

Plus, I saved so much on utilities – 100%!!

The carpeting is moss, the tablecloth is woven from fig leaves, and the walls are decorated with a cave painting inspired by a scary run-in I once had with a bear when a rainstorm nearly put out my fire.

That was quite a day!

You’ll also notice I’m a total plant mom! I’m also getting quite good at identifying poisonous and non-poisonous plants. Learning by tasting is the fastest way to mastery.

Honestly, this whole lifestyle is a labor of love. I forged the silverware from fire-hardened wooden sticks and made the plates from sheets of slate I dug up along the river – very convenient since I wash them there too!

Or I can just grab more if I accidentally break one.

As for background music at our gathering, you must know I’m partial to atonal music. There is something so soothing about the sound of two rocks banging together at unpredictable intervals.

So, I think that’s about it! I hope you’re excited for your first Paleo dinner party.

Oh, I forgot about food! Do you have any allergies?

I’m vegan, but I make a mean saber-tooth tiger steak out of tofu. I’ll probably make that, with some fire-roasted veggie kabobs.

After dinner, we can tell scary stories inspired by the flickering shadows on the walls created by my oven/heater/bear deterrent/entertainment center fire pit. You’ll love it!

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Substack friends,

I’ve never gone Paleo, but if I ever did, it would probably look something like this. It’s always seemed funny that people adopt a diet from a time with ignoring the lifestyle that went along with it.

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Thanks for reading. See you here again on Saturday!

Jen

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