23 Comments
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Mary Suddath's avatar

I am 68 and I refuse to use the self- check option. They don’t pay me to scan my own groceries. I am not an employee of theirs.

I have the numbers of all the stores that I shop in on my phone, so when I go to a store and there’s only one cashier line open with six or seven people and groceries piled to the top of their cardts,I call the store and ask to speak to the store manager and make a complaint. Usually within a few minutes another couple lines will become open.

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Jennifer Haubrich's avatar

Wow, sounds like you could be the store manager!

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Yvonne Gerner's avatar

I love this piece! And such a good exercise to step into someone else's shoes.

And I hate the self check-out too. Lucky for me my nearest stores don't have them, and I hope they never will. Actually I boycott the stores that have them, I just don't buy there.

Like you said, the short interactions with a cashier is what my introverted soul can handle on a daily basis, and that's what I crave. I'm not a machine after all....

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Jennifer Haubrich's avatar

Thanks for reading, Yvonne. You get me!

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Yvonne Gerner's avatar

Introverts unite!

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Lee Bacon's avatar

This was hilarious! I listened to it with the AI voice, so that added to the authenticity of the piece.

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Jennifer Haubrich's avatar

That’s funny. Good idea!

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Barb Eler's avatar

I’ve always found self-check out a pain, so I never use it. I laughed a lot with the self check out’s complaints. I hate my computer when there’s a message that simply states that I’m no longer connected to the internet & I’m almost finished writing a thoughtful email. Thank you for creating humor with relationships with inanimate objects!

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Jennifer Haubrich's avatar

That would be annoying! My pleasure, and thanks for reading.

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Amazon Anne's avatar

Ha ha ha ha!!!

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Jane Prescott's avatar

Made me laugh out loud! Totally relatable. Keep it coming.

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Jennifer Haubrich's avatar

Good to know I'm not alone in this opinion!

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Jim Nolan's avatar

I always feel like if I don't brandish the self-service receipt walking out, I will be pounced on by store security. Funny piece!

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Jennifer Haubrich's avatar

Yes! Or heaven forbid you decide not to bag an item. Just walk out with it in your hand, like a criminal!

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Julie's avatar

Self checkout makes me furious. I don’t work at the grocery! What’s next? Mammograms?

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Jennifer Haubrich's avatar

Hahaha! This made me laugh.

At least if I did my own mammograms, they'd probably hurt less.

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Julie's avatar

Yes! And there might be a “press to release the vice-like grip” button nearby. I fixate on what I would do if there was a fire during the procedure and the tech dashed off and forgot me.

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Jennifer Haubrich's avatar

It would be a nightmare to be stuck in that thing! I'd probably pass out.

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Andrea Hoffmann's avatar

Self checkout is awesome if you have under 5 non-produce items. Beyond that, it makes me homicidal.

My new favorite is that my local grocery store has eliminated all but 1 cashier (because minimum wages is $15 in NJ and computers don’t need breaks).

So now, there’s a LINE even for self checkout. That’s just what I want — a line to wait in before I get to WORK for a business that doesn’t even offer me an employee discount.

I hate it. I’m with you.

Oh, and as for people— if by chance I get a live cashier and the customer ahead of me is paying WITH A CHECK, I start speaking in tongues.

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Jennifer Haubrich's avatar

Who does THAT?

I'll concede that for a couple of items, it works. But there are times when self-checkout is the ONLY option! They might as well say the store is closed for anyone wanting to buy more than a snack!

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H.J. Hill's avatar

Yes, I have recently started hating inanimate objects that do not immediately submit to my will. Does that make me a tyrant or simply a proponent of law and order? Let inanimate objects in my path tremble and obey!

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Jennifer Haubrich's avatar

As they should!

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Zach Hively's avatar

Thank you for the glimpse into how you turned your inanimate-object hatred into laughing along with the machines. Now, please place that item in the bag or cart, and scan the next item already.

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