Texts from the Thrift Store You Once Visited
Special today on jeans with something left in a pocket!
Hey! This post is one of my *occasional* free Wednesday posts. To get a new post every Wednesday, please consider subscribing. There’s a special note to new subscribers at the end!
We have a JEAN-ius idea: TODAY ONLY: An extra 15% off jeans with something left in the pocket! Could be money, could be chapstick, could just be an old receipt. But you’ll never know, if you don’t come down and check them out!
Relatedly, we’re currently looking for clothing processing volunteers.
Must be up to date on your tetanus shots.
INTRODUCING NEW STYLES! 40% OFF one item that’s not your style, but you wish it was.
You’ll probably never wear it, but you MIGHT. And at least it’ll be cheap, and give you a brief sense that change may be possible, even for you.
Come celebrate Earth Day by adding more GREEN to your wardrobe!
All items with green stains of any kind (grass, baby food, paint, chlorella?) 50% OFF!!
Today ONLY!!! If you really love the earth, help us keep this stuff out of the landfill.
Looking for a summer Beach Read? We got you, because we’ve got books that already have sand in them! 25% OFF this Memorial Day Weekend ONLY.
Ideal if you’re going to the beach or just want to pretend you are at the beach while reading.
Weekend Forecast: 100% chance of a discount on all items requiring ironing. Not to be picky, but it’s 2025, why are we still IRONING?!?!
Please note: All linen items are excluded because even ironing can’t fix those, unless you plan on never sitting down, and especially not ever putting on a seatbelt.
It’s a Wednesday TAG SALE!! 20% OFF all items still with the original tags on them. Buy the items others bought, but never used. Their loss is your gain!
We recommend trying these items on, so you don’t make the same mistake they did.
But totally up to you.
Did you know we have a lovely assortment of glassware, plates, and silverware? We’ve heard some people say it’s gross to buy used dinnerware. BUT WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU USE AT RESTAURANTS?
Those spoons have been in 1,000s of mouths! So stop being a snob, and come buy a mug at least. No joke, we have some that are so cringe, they ARE funny!!
50% OFF PUZZLES all week! We’ve been so busy – and we thank you for your support – but we haven’t had time to figure out if they’re missing any pieces or not. So they might be.
But these make a great gag gift for a perfectionist friend and puzzle-lover, or even someone you aggressively dislike.
IT’S OPPOSITE DAY! What’s the opposite of buyer’s remorse? Today's special!
80% OFF any item YOU donated to us and afterward regretted giving away.
NOTE: Must bring a photo of yourself wearing the item to claim the discount. 80% discount offered on one item or outfit, after your photo is evaluated by one of our teen cashiers. They’re very judgy discriminating!
Oh Thursday, Where Art Thou? Today only, 40% OFF all artwork other people decided was uglier than a bare wall (probably). PRO TIP: It’s totally okay to just buy them for the frames!
Or, you know, just say that you are. We won’t come to your house to check or anything.
It’s FREAKY FRIDAY! 33% OFF all adult undergarments. Includes bras, panties, boxers, briefs, a couple of sets of garter belts, and some barely worn negligees!
Please note: Items are located in the small unmarked closet under the stairs in the back. ADULTS ONLY. NO RETURNS!
(Of course, you’re welcome to donate them when you’re done using them.)
Hello Substack Friends!
Last Saturday’s post was inspired by something I hate (self-checkouts).
This post was inspired by my local thrift store’s new practice of sending frequent sales texts. I enjoy thrifting, but find the texts less than compelling and extremely repetitive!!
So I thought, maybe I could find ways to make them more enticing? What might work — or at least be entertaining? And so I did.
A big WELCOME to my new paid subscribers!! THANK YOU for being here. You’re helping me to get closer to my goal of making an hourly rate in the double digits (not to brag, or anything)!
Here are some recent paid posts I invite you to read:
If Banks Offered Bad Decision Notifications
Should You Try Swedish Death Cleaning or American Bed Rotting?
As the Best Friend in This Romantic Comedy, This is All I Know
Signs This Coffee Shop Doesn’t Want You to Actually Drink Coffee Here
Not a paid subscriber yet? Join the party and you can read all these (and more!) too.
I’ll be back with a new post on Saturday. Thanks so much for reading Humor in the Middle!
Jen
With the merde out there, thank you sunshine
Made me smile!